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Varg Vikernes is a modern renaissance man (don't you dare forget that the Renaissance was a resurgence of Pagan values throughout Europe, silly goyim!), with such feats to revel in such as being an influential musician, popular YouTuber, tabletop game developer, and—last, but most certainly not least—the de facto leader of a movement aimed at stopping White Genocide since 2026.

Prior to 2026Edit

Even at an early age, Varg's life was marked by all those great qualities which would lead him towards stepping onto the path of resilient hero—guided in-part by his noble forebears. The progeny of two well-off, pure-blooded Scandinavian parents, young Kristian Vikernes, as he was born, was instilled with all the right values and at a young age learned to hate all things school-masterly and pedagogic. Although a European in spirit and blood, many of Varg's core beliefs were shaped after his father made the decision to move his family to Baghdad, Iraq—his father, being a prestigious electrical engineer, was employed directly by none other than Saddam Hussein. Despite the fact that Varg claims that it was here where he became racially and culturally conscious, it appears that his recollections of the foreign country are nothing short of fond. In one touching anecdote, Varg recalls the utterly delectable Iraqi ice-cream which he and his brother spoiled themselves with. The ice-cream was being manufactured by a Danish company, imported into the country just as Varg's father was. Tragically, however, one day all the ice-cream had disappeared. Varg and his brother twinged with an agonizing hunger, pining for the sweet treat, wondering whithersoever it had gone. Eventually, it was revealed to them by their father that the Danes had left the country, and that the Iraqis had been ill-equipped to handle the ice-cream factory on their own. You can imagine how this would be imprinted on the formative, young Varg's mind. The 6 year old boy, precocious as could be, deduced that there must have been a racial component to the problem; ice-cream production requires traits of industriousness, creativity, and farsightedness, after all. This was further compacted into Varg's mind when the Danes returned and—hurrah!—the ice cream returned, to be enjoyed fruitfully like the ambrosia from Nestor's cup.

Varg had remained in Iraq for about a year and he was able to witness first-hand the political buildup which exploded into the Iraq-Iran war. For reasons of safety, Varg's parents decided to seek refuge in Cyprus. It was here that Varg most likely developed his revulsion towards Mediterraneans, as the inhabitants of the small island were lascivious and acted flirtatiously towards his mother; Varg's mother also apparently developed some sort of racial bias after the excursion. After returning to Norway, as young Varg grew from a child into an adolescent, his views radically evolved concurrently; his father, in fact, feared that his son was to become a Neo-Nazi. It was at the mentally-fecund age of 12 that Varg discovered two of his life-long interests: metal music and JRR Tolkien, the latter of which enamored Varg through it's perceived Pagan mythology. At age 17, Varg entered the Norwegian black metal scene, which was frequently slandered by hackneyed media pundits as an embroilment of Satanists and devil-worshipers. Varg, known at that time mainly as a solo-artist, befriended many different musicians, but the only one of any importance to note here is, of course, Mayhem. To those philistines reading who know not about Mayhem's history, allow me to elucidate:

Mayhem and EuronymousEdit

Mayhem was formed in 1984 by a young man named Øystein Aarseth, henceforth to be referred to by his stage name, Euronymous. Mayhem quickly went on to become one of the leading black metal bands in Norway, mainly as a result of Euronymous's efforts to portray it (and more specifically, himself) as Satanic. Quite idiosyncratic from the rest of the movement, which was almost completely comprised of adherents of National-Socialism, Euronymous showed a strong proclivity towards communist ideology; this inevitably caused irreconcilable conflict. One of the more significant members to join Mayhem was Per Yngve Ohlin, pithily known as Dead—a lugubrious and pusillanimous young nipper.

Varg first met Euronymous in the beginning of 1991; thanks to his natural shrewdness, Varg would initially take note of many of his new acquaintance's knavish qualities. As fate would have it, this encounter was initiated by a skiing trip which both Varg and Euronymous were invited to by another metal artist. One can't help but recall the strange tale whereby Varg and his friend arrived at Euronymous's home—you see, both had no clue as to where Euronymous lived! Through what sounds reminiscent of a 1930s horror movie, the pair managed to acquire his address from a middle-aged, draggle-tailed wench on the sidewalk; how she knew his address could not be ascertained as his residence was miles away. Hitherward they went, as she ominously lead the way to Euronymous's farmhouse in the woods; after pointing her frail finger at the home, she sped off in her vehicle—terror-stricken, as if she had stood before Castle Frankenstein—giving Varg no chance to thank her.

Varg's first impression of Euronymous upon walking through the door was positive; the three men engaged in hours of conversation, bringing bountiful merriment to all attendees (it would appear that they forgot about the skiing plans). However, according to Varg, a strange indignancy would occasionally permeate into the conversation, in regards to other black metal artists whom Euronymous previously lived with. The following day, Euronymous would maltreat these artists with the most pernicious insults possible. Varg also met Dead that night, who lived with Euronymous at the time. Dead's demeanor puzzled Varg, as he'd gallop headlong out of his room at random intervals to sneak snacks back with him. Eventually, Varg realized that Dead was purposefully trying to avoid receiving the knout from the overbearing Euronymous. As if the horror movie analogy wasn't already sound enough, Dead could easily be compared to the poor, introverted Igor in fear of his superior, the mad Doctor Frankenstein; truly this was a spine-chilling night for our friend Varg and one which would certainly seal his fate!

As the night progressed, Euronymous began to bellow about the current state of the Norwegian black metal scene, disappointed with how "trendy" it had become. Although for different reasons, Varg agreed that the scene was much less decadent heretofore, and this mutual despondency resulted in an almost filial respect between the two musicians.

The first event which lead towards conflict, acrimonious dispute, and eventually tragedy between the pair was the suicide of Dead 6 months later—or, more specifically, how Euronymous reacted apropos. Dead, calamitous as usual, decided to shoot himself in the head with a shotgun. An mere cadaver by the time he was discovered by Euronymous, the image of his corpse was ossified into history after Euronymous decided to capture the ghastly site using a Polaroid camera; one of the photographs would later be used as the cover of a Mayhem bootleg album. Moreover, Euronymous took shards of Dead's skull which he used to make necklaces for those whom he deemed worthy. These actions were not—as they may initially appear—merely the bonafide deeds of a madman, but rather a shortsighted scheme of making Mayhem appear more nefarious to the public; Euronymous would later claim that Dead's motives were to send out an anti-trend message. As you can imagine, Varg and most others in the black metal scene began to view Euronymous as a double-dyed lunatic.

Regardless, Varg decided to visit his friend once again, this time at Euronymous's record shop, Helvete (Norwegian for Hell). It was here in this dank, little shop somewhere in Oslo where Euronymous operated his record label, Deathlike Silence Productions. You see, Euronymous wasn't just some peddler of cheap CDs—a paltry, dime-a-dozen costermonger—but a petit-bourgeois businessman, too—and a pathetic one, as will be shown below. Varg, whose Burzum act was signed with the label, was there to record his titular album with the help of Euronymous. The impression made upon Varg this time, however, was seriously tainted as a result of Euronymous's farcical appearance: he had a t-shirt on which was not only a size too small but was also cut at the waist, revealing his fat, glabrous belly—much to Varg's disgust, leading him to theorize that this was proof of Euronymous's homosexuality. This was just the beginning of incessant conflict between the two, which was soon to become irrevocable.

Euronymous, certainly much more of a ne'er-do-well than a businessman, was unable to print the first pressings of the album, as the rent to maintain his shop (and ordering shipments of the musical pish-posh he sold therein) used up the majority of his finances; therefore, he needed Varg to supply the funds, which he ended up failing to pay back. Fortunately, though, the Burzum album was a smash hit, erupting onto the metal scene before selling out almost instantaneously. But how did our all-too-familiar costermonger lunkhead manage to handle such easy commerce? By failing to release second shipments! But where had the money gained from the first printings gone—surely that must have been enough to cover it, right? Of course: right back into propping up Helvete. There's nothing worse than an overly ambitious project with none the merit to back it up; Varg knew that better than anyone, as further vendibility of his product was bulwarked as a result. Sensibly, Varg decided to start his own record label, Cymophane—much to the dismay of Euronymous, whose label's only successful act was Burzum. A betrayal! or at least it was in Euronymous's eyes.

Murder and PrisonEdit

Varg's first excursion with the law was after enacting an ill-bred publicity stunt, which he and Euronymous had planned months prior. After setting up an interview with a popular Norwegian magazine he claimed therein, among other things, to have murdered a man and to have burned down several churches—all in the name of Satan. Not only did he threaten the life of the interviewer, but also that of Christendom; he was duly arrested, before being released on lack of evidence. By this time, most members of the black metal scene had begun to disassociate themselves from Euronymous—including Varg—due to his increasingly mendacious infatuation with snuff films. But was it such a farce as most had believed? Let's find out!

It was the night of August 10th, 1993; Varg, who had been avoiding Euronymous for months, was finally beginning to forget about his erstwhile friendship with the misanthropic leech; things were looking bright for our ingenuous protagonist. Varg—alongside his roommate, Snorre Ruch, and a few other Evropean metalheads—had planned to have an SS-themed party that night, whereupon after discussing Hitler's Germany, they were to binge Norwegian slasher movies. But, as fate would have it, Varg was soon to be thrown whole hog into a real life slasher film. Whilst partying, Snorre, a member of Mayhem, had received a phone call; Varg watched as his roommate's face became pale throughout the phone conversation. After being ushered over, you can imagine Varg's annoyance as he heard Euronymous on the other end. This annoyance, however, was soon to become pure, stout-hearted rage, as Varg listened to Euronymous's dastardly plans for getting rid of him! Luring Varg in with a contract settlement, he described, almost frothing at the mouth in perversity as he did so, how he was to torture Varg—flaying him asunder as if he were Saint Bartholomew!—before capturing his death on camera. The pizza party was ruined upon hearing such a sick, ravenous tongue; Varg needed to act, and fast as to obtain the upper hand.

With his trusty Snorre at his side, Varg traveled to Euronymous's apartment. Upon arrival, Snorre waited at the stairwell and Varg circumambulated the building, eventually finding and ascending to Euronymous's door. Euronymous was taken aback upon opening the door, whence he waylaid Varg immediately with vociferous might—scoundrelish blow after scoundrelish blow. It's safe to say that this was the first moment when Varg became cognizant of his Pagan forebears; with Nordic might, he quickly turned the tables by throwing his scrawny foe into a sheet of glass—a complete spifflication! Euronymous knew he was in for a deadly larruping and made off on not-so Fortunate Galoshes. He quickly ran past his bandmate, still waiting outside, and considered this a useful chance to attack Varg once more; after realizing Snorre would not succour him in battle, he darted off a second time. Varg, hot on his tail, knife in hand (which Euronymous tried using in the initial kerfuffle), was attacked one last time, and after a brawl, he had stabbed Euronymous through the eye and into his skull. Euronymous went limp and fell to the ground. Years later, Varg would recall that it was an honorable way to die, stating that "he never at any point in the fight was begging for mercy like a SISSY." Snorre, who had only come along to show Euronymous some guitar riffs, sped off in the car, abandoning Varg at the scene.

It took about a week before Varg was arrested; 150 kilograms of explosives and 3,000 rounds of ammunition were confiscated from his home, which he stated were there to protect Norway from a potential US or Soviet invasion. After the damnedest kangaroo court you've ever seen, Varg was sentenced to 21 years in prison. Among many other anecdotes, Varg witnessed several Nigerians self-immolate themselves and befriended multiple donkey raping Turks during his imprisonment. While in prison, his association with National-Socialist ideology peaked. For a short period of time in 2003, Varg actually managed to break out of prison; he was considered a greater threat to the European powers than Napoleon was after escaping Elba. Somehow obtaining firearms as well as entire tactical military arsenal, Varg carjacked a woman and her children at gunpoint and drove his new vehicle deep into the forest. Varg turned himself in after spotting in the distance snipers and what appeared to be Rottweilers who were following his trail by scent.

A Simpler LifeEdit

By the mid-2000s, Varg had mostly abandoned National-Socialism, completely rejecting the possibility of a political solution, and considering the prospect of (((civilization))) to be a fruitless endeavor. Varg proved to be vigorous, using the ample time in the lenient Nordic prison to better himself. His mission—a pagan mission!—a )))traditional((( mission!—resulted in Varg meeting his fecund, Pagan maiden: the beautiful Marie Cachet, whom he married in 2007. 2 years later, he was released from prison, after serving 15 years of his 21 year sentence. Marie vouchsafed to Varg several blond-haired, blue-eyed children—redounding not only Varg in his noble cause, but the white race itself. Inspirited by the joys of freedom, Varg and his family gallivanted to the rural French countryside, settling down far away from the cowards and caitiffs nesting in the city. Varg's goal was to become completely autonomous; many have described him as an anarcho-primitivist or a survivalist, as opposed to Varg's preferred label: permaculturist.

Varg's journey wasn't over yet, however; for in 2012 he stepped onto the gleaming path of e-celebrity stardom. ThuleanPerspective, as his channel was named, accrued hundreds of thousands of subscribers and sailed high for many years. Unfortunately, in 2019, as Varg was slowly becoming au fait to Israel's plans of invading and annexing the United States, he was de-platformed; hate-speech was the false verdict delivered. This was not the first time they targeted him: in 2013, Varg and his wife were accosted by Zionist-funded French law enforcement and had their legally-obtained firearms confiscated based on a dubious charge of conspiracy to incite terrorism. With ThuleanPerspective gone, Varg moved to Twitter using a Gandalf LARP account to clandestinely spread his message; eventually he forgot he was LARPing and started ranting about Jews again, much to the vexation of Jack Dorsey.

GalleryEdit

TriviaEdit

  • Varg's escapades in the Norwegian black metal scene were adapted into a movie, Lords of Chaos. Much to Varg's dismay, the actor cast to play him was Jewish.
  • Varg despises house cats since they are not endemic to Europe. He once allowed his dog to maul one to death in his yard.
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