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Nicholas J Fuentes was an American paleoconservative "political analyst" who hosted his own YouTube news show, "America First" (7 PM CST sharp, Monday through Friday), from 2017 to 2020 until he was un-ceremoniousnessly kicked off the face of the planet as a part of his grandiose masterplan to get back at the Jews or something. In 2026, he helped form the domestic terrorist ring "the Fellowship of the E-Celebs" with Varg Vikernes and Jason Unruhe to depose the Israeli occupation of the United States until he tragically lost his life whilst visiting a local circus. Fuentes' contributions to the group ranged from active disinterest to murmuring random 2010's internet slang that everyone found funny and larfed so hard at.

Prior to 2026Edit

Throughout his life, the central pillar of Nick's life was an undying commitment to doing an honest, hard day's work. From the earliest days of his adolescence, Nick made sure that he always attended school at least an hour after class began (just in time to sleep through the entire period). Whether he was skipping class for lunch or flunking every test, Nick was determined to leave his mark of diligence everywhere he went. Unsurprisingly, Nick easily graduated as his class' Valedictorian and went to be accepted into Boston University for the fall of 2016.

One fateful evening at Kassy Dillon's Christmas Party, he was caught on a secret recording saying that he felt Jews were out to get him in his daily life. Distraught, bewildered, and totally flabbergasted, Kassy immediately forwarded this clip to her boss, Ben Shapiro, who made it his life's goal to personally spite Nick's daily life in any way that his power could perform. Having been promptly kicked out of all legitimate media within Shapiro's sphere of influence, Nick managed to finally find an outlet on Right Side Broadcasting where he hosted his debut show, 'America First w/ Nicholas J. Fuentes' from April to August 2017. The longevity of the show, however, revealed itself to be dubious as it teetered between tracking abysmal ratings and cancellation.

If Fuentes didn't think his life could be irrevocably changed with no hope of return before, he certainly met his match after he happened to stop by the sleepy town of Charlottesville, Virginia where a political demonstration was being hosted by suspected "Greco-Roman" Richard Spencer about Jews or whatever. Seeking to share his opinions about Confederate monuments, Nick's poorly timed get-together with friends to discuss controversial statue policy resulted in him being lumped in with the then-violent demonstrations erupting in the background. This resulted in 'America First' being permanently cancelled by Right Side and Fuentes agreeing to leave the company "quietly" (i.e., not cope).

Not willing to let bad luck get him down, Nick quickly bounced back with the help of his not-at-all down syndrome looking friend, James Allsup, to found the company 'Nationalist Media' and relocate its now flagship show, 'America First', onto YouTube. The arrangement was not to last, however. On account of Allsup's debilitating mental condition, the company eventually broke with Fuentes and 'America First' to pursue the inspiring and compelling work of "getting the message out to the people" through digestible twenty minute political commentary videos that people watched, I swear.

With his potato-faced friend gone, Nick had once again been left alone to piece together the shattered remains of what he was desparately trying to pass off as his "career". But unlike past instances which relied on preexisting institutions and the mentally challenged, the period that left Nick with next to nothing proved to be the most fertile conditions for his brand to grow. Throughout the next two years, Fuentes would take a struggling podcast with less than a few hundred live viewers per stream into a burgeoning community of thousands of questionably motivated and intellectually varied zoomers. Eventually, this swelling mass of would-be savants tasked themselves with a bold new project: the total and complete shut down of the GOP establishment. This would come to be known as the Groyper Wars, a series of targeted, precision strikes where agile and quick-witted young men would, under Fuentes' banner, line-up at major Conservative figures' speaking events to ask impossibly daunting questions to expose and defame these "pharisees in the temple". Questions like: "How does sodomy help us win the culture war?" and "uuuuh U.S.S. Liberty?". O, to have seen Charlie Kirk's face at that moment! BEYOND based. The notoriety brought on by the events convinced Nick that he was a man of destiny-- that Providence has chosen him to accomplish great things. However, in the background of these events, Nick had been placed on an Israeli blacklist, demarcating dissidents who could potentially be a threat against the planned Israeli-US invasion in the not-so-distant future.

Immediately following his Providential anointment with the conclusion of the Groyper Wars that December, Nick faced harsh punishment from social media sites, each of which planned to pummel his show into obscurity before the 2020 United States presidential election. They accomplished this almost immediately as America First was removed from YouTube, TikTok, and Spotify within the month. Fuentes was banned from Patreon and PayPal as well as and a whole host of other platforms like Twitter, DLive, AOL, MySpace, and Scaruffi.com.

Where a sane man would have seen these events as a crippling setback to almost three years of work, Nick Fuentes took these unrelenting series of decisive defeats as further vindication that 'America First' was ascendant-- inevitable. He assured his adoring acolytes, eagerly adorned in their "I'm with Groyper" gear and Hawaiian shirts, that so long as they "trusted the plan", and mailed him their spare change in the mail, tomorrow would belong to them.

HistoryEdit

White nationalist Nick Fuentes was stuck on the Joker stairs in the Bronx, apparently because he was banned from the rest of the country. Fuentes said he was “just kind of hanging out.”

Then stuff happened and hijinks ensued. It was pretty crazy, I think he died or something (?).

TriviaEdit

  • Punctuality is his middle name
  • The premium episodes are out when they're out
  • He's not the catboy
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